As I sat and stared out to sea the glaring truth hit me.
I was in love with him. It wasn’t the happy happy joy joy feeling they said it should be.
It was more of a truth soaking into my bones. Yes, I was in love with him and I loved him. That was the scary part. I loved him. I loved him in all his asshole glory. I loved him when he was being kind and generous, when he waxed lyrical about his students, when he held his child tenderly in sleep. I loved him when he smiled at me and when we had disagreements and I wanted to tell him unholy things…I loved him. I loved him without conditions. I loved him.
Great. What do I do now?
Nothing. There was nothing to do. He had decided that his life was leading him elsewhere. There were goals for him to conquer and I was not a part of that plan.
So much for love. No room for me and my love…
I sat and stared out at the sea.